Actual conversations with my 2 year old daughter, as re-enacted by me and another full grown man - Episode 1. (by ConvosWith2YrOld)
Zach Galifianakis and Ken Jeong, open mic nigh in Los Angeles, 1998
Thug Kitchen is my new favorite.
THERE’S SO MUCH GOD DAMN SPINACH in this shit even Popeye can’t hate. Yeah yeah spinach makes you swoll as fuck, we know that shit. But did you know just one cup of spinach is 337% of your daily recommended Vitamin A? Sweet fuck. You worried about acne? Wrinkles? Any other skin shit? Spinach to the mother fucking rescue. That shit keeps your skin looking so fresh and so clean, not to mention helping to prevent skin cancer. Spinach is packin these plant-based compounds called “flavonoids” that not only repair damaged skin but also fight multiple types of cancer. Everybody knows I ain’t even fucking playing when it comes to dick cancer, I gotta have my shit in tact.
IF YOU SMOKE cigarettes (tumblr crew I’m looking at you), DO NOT take any Vitamin A or beta carotene supplements. Studies have shown that combining those supplements with tobacco drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. But then again, smoking drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. So quit that shit and live strong homie.
So you want to make this shit at home and tell Jamba Juice they can go fuck themselves by not paying for their high calorie sugary shit? Recipe below for a Thug Kitchen Original:
SPINACH COOLER
Ectoplasm free and Dr. Venkman approved
- 2 handfuls of spinach (about 2 cups)
- 2 frozen bananas
- 1 cup chopped and skinned cucumber
- 4 medium chunks of pineapple
- 1 cup coconut water or tap
- 1/4 cup orange juice
- 1 tablespoon flax oil (optional)
- 6-8 mint leaves (optional, but I dig that shit)
- yields ~20 ounces
Toss that shit in a blender and zap it. If you prefer it a little sweeter, add some more pineapple to that shit. DRINK UP, CHAMP.
For real though, fuck Jamba Juice. Only they could make smoothies as unhealthy as McDonald’s made oatmeal.
Punch!
I believe I can fly
Eugene Mirman in an interview promoting his new Comedy Central special coming out December 14th!
(via comedycentral)
Item #02-6818686 Waffle batter dispenser
Full size Williams-Sonoma says: “Measures out uniform circles in three sizes.”
Price:$29.95
Notes from Drew: How about a spoon? How about you use a fucking spoon to dole out your waffle batter? The waffle iron itself tells you when it’s had enough batter. If you overload it because you’re a fat greedy pig, the batter spills off the side. You don’t need a dispenser. OH BUT HOW WILL I KNOW I’VE USED THE EXACT RIGHT AMOUNT OF BATTER?! Now this waffle will never fit in my grain sack!
(via The Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog)
Go read all of this right now. You’re welcome.
