Happy birthday, dad. I love you. I miss you.
Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death. I think it’s appropriate that yesterday’s sunny autumn day has turned into a cold, blustery, rainy day. I’m sitting in S’s living room watching the waves whitecap on the lake and missing my dad.
It feels like he’s been gone for longer than he has and also like I just saw him yesterday. He was the best and I was lucky to have him in my life.
I don’t feel up to writing a long post as I have in the past. Mostly I want to curl up in front of the fire and in S’s arms. You can read previous dad writings here and here.
Today is my dad’s birthday. If he were still alive he’d be 63.
I still miss him and think about him every day. What I never talk about is how angry I am sometimes. I’m angry he wasn’t here when my heart was broken and I needed him. I’m angry he won’t see my little girl grow up. I’m angry he was so good at taking care of everyone else and so shitty at taking care of himself (so that’s where I get it). Each year he’s gone it gets…maybe not easier but different, more manageable and each year I learn something new about the ways in which I miss him.
(Source: nevver)
Three years ago today I lost the most important man in my life. His death was sudden, an unexpected loss that left me without my dad. His absence makes the world seem more vast like everything is a little further away without him. There’s an emptiness inside me since he’s gone. It hasn’t necessarily gotten easier, it’s especially hard when I think of all the moments in my daughter’s life he’ll never see, but it has gotten … different, more manageable.
He’s the first person who ever loved me unconditionally and I miss him every day.
I am what I am
I just had a student in the office who saw my dad’s picture and recognized him from Popeye. It was really nice to hear about how much he loved that movie when he was a kid. I’m smiling.
